When You’re Feeling Von Trapped

Dr. Fauci, I could use a hug.

I’m frazzled, fried and flummoxed. I’m disheveled, discouraged and disagreeable – just ask my wife.

What’s more, I’m bedraggled, befuddled and behaving – which is no fun at all.

I admit it. If this insufferable year should suddenly meld into some kind of zombie apocalypse, with frogs and fish falling from the sky, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Raindrops on roses

And whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens . . .

I’m afraid I’ve reached the end of my rope. And I know I’m not alone. Right? You’ve got to be feeling the same way. You just have to be.

. . . Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things. . .

I’m tired of Zoom meetings, of seeing co-workers in sweatshirts and baseball caps and five-o’clock shadows at eight in the morning. And those are just my female co-workers! Look, when every day is casual Friday then casual loses all meaning. It’s anarchy. No one is even embarrassed by bad hair days anymore. Mostly we do a lot of muddling through.

. . . Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels

Doorbells and sleigh bells

And schnitzel with noodles . . .

I used to get excited about seeing the Fed Ex truck pull up to drop off a package at the front door. Now – ho-hum – it’s one more box to be tossed on the detox pile.

. . . Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

These are a few of my favorite things . . .

And I can’t get a mask that fits right. The little elastic loops hurt my ears and my glasses steam up.

. . . Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Silver-white winters that melt into springs

These are a few of my favorite things . . .

It’s gotten so bad that I’m now dressing up in a sports coat and tie to take the dog for a walk just to break up the monotony of the day. Sure, I look snazzy but it’s not working.

If only there was something I could do that would shake me from my doldrums, something that would soften the hard edge of 2020.

. . . When the dog bites

When the bee stings

When I’m feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don’t feel so bad.

If only I could think of something. Anything.